Q. Ok, I heard a lot of strange rumors going on about my boyfriend and my best friend. People were saying that they slept together, but I don't know if it's true or not. My friend told me she didn't do nothing with him, but I know her better than that because she's lied to me several times about what she's done with guys. She also said that my boyfriend asked her to things with him but I dunno how true it is. (Yolande)
A. Do you believe rumours, or believe your boyfriend? When we are prepared to believe rumours this shows our insecurity and lack of self love. You need to value yourself first, regardless of what others think, because if you worry every minute about who your boyfriend is sleeping with, you will lead a very unhappy life. You need to think highly of yourself to trust that someone who really likes you will not be running around after your friends. If they don't really love or respect you, that's a different matter.
At the heart of any relationship is trust. If you feel you cannot trust him, you have no real relationship, just a friendship in which you are scared of the consequences if he leaves you. That's not good. Better to find someone you can trust and who will make you happy than to feel insecure in a deceptive friendship.
Trust carries respect with it, and respect is at the heart of love. So, if you believe your best friend is lying, your boyfriend probably doesn't respect you, neither does he love you. If your instinct tells you they both might be lying, then don't hang around to discover the evidence.
If you wish to believe the rumors you will only feel more insecure. However, if you feel the rumors might be true, then getting new friends you can trust seems to be your next priority. If you do nothing at all, you will end up feeling awful and unable to do anything about it, so it's up to you now. The next move is yours.
How confident are you? Try our CONFIDENCE QUIZ to test how you feel about yourself just now. Low confidence and self-esteem rob you of achievements and success. See if you're being affected by it.
ELAINE SIHERA http://www.myspace.com/elaineone is an expert author, public speaker, media contributor and lifestyle columnist. The first Black graduate of the OU and a post-graduate of Cambridge University. Elaine is a Personal Empowerment and Relationships Consultant. Confidential advice is available on the quiz site. Author of: 10 Easy Steps to Growing Older Disgracefully; 10 Easy Steps to Finding Your Ideal Soulmate!; Money, Sex & Compromise, among others (available on http://www.amazon.co.uk as well as her personal website). She describes herself as, "Fit, Fabulous, Over-fifty and Ready to Fly!"
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